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Last week I told you about the phenomenal Watson Super Computer from IBM. Watson appeared on the TV quiz show Jeopardy! and completely dominated the competition against his two human opponents, the two most successful champions in the quiz show’s history.
As a result, I told you about Republican plans to vet Watson as a possible 2012 presidential candidate. And so far, so good. You can read last week’s column here.
As I mentioned last week, thanks to incriminating photos I have of House Speaker John Boehner, this reporter has obtained exclusive access to a private debate prep session in which GOP strategists pitted Sarah Palin against Watson in a mock presidential debate. The candidates’ responses showed pronounced differences in approaches to confronting the nation’s problems. Here is an excerpt from that debate, moderated by Larry King.
King: Do you believe global warming is a real phenomenon, and if so, do you believe man has played a part in escalating it? Watson?
Last month, the nation was introduced to the world’s smartest computer: the IBM Watson. Watson is an example of the incredible strides made in artificial intelligence (A.I.). With four terabytes of storage capacity, including all of Wikipedia. Watson knows the answer to virtually any question, from Lady Macbeth to Lady Gaga.
Even more impressive than Watson’s depth of useless trivia is his … er… its ability to answer questions in a natural language. Fittingly, Watson made his television debut on Jeopardy!, challenging the two most successful contestants in the show’s history, neither of whom were computers.
It was a grueling competition of man vs. machine, reminiscent of IBM’s Deep Blue vs. Grandmaster Garry Kasparov in chess. Watson was gracious in victory, never bragging or trying to fist bump his fans (which may have been in part due to his lack of fists). Watson easily trounced his two non-digital opponents. In his Final Jeopardy answer, contestant Ken Jennings acknowledged the lopsided outcome, writing, “I welcome our new computer overlords.”
In recent weeks, the situation in the chaotic, volatile region of the world has turned increasingly tense.
The mood of his fractured nation has become more volatile with each passing day. Images on TV show streets filled with shouting, angry protestors, crying out for an end to the insanity. Meanwhile the intransigent tyrant refuses to listen to the advice of his inner circle. Recently he has gone on TV making bizarre, seemingly incoherent pronouncements about how the people love him and everything is fine – causing experts around the world to speculate whether he has lost touch with reality and become completely delusional.
But enough about Glenn Beck. I’m here to talk about Charlie Sheen. Sheen, star of the #1 sitcom on television, Two and a Half Men, is the richest actor on television, receiving a weekly paycheck of $2 million per episode. Apparently these meager wages are not enough for a man of his epic stature. This past week, Sheen went on one talk show after another, insisting he deserves $3 million an episode and denying that he has any problems with drugs or alcohol – sharing the results of his most recent drug test on live national TV on Piers Morgan Tonight.
Last week, I talked about the breakthrough best-selling parenting book by Amy Chua called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. If you missed it, you can get caught up here. That’s her on the left coaching her daughter Lulu with her violin practice. They are going on day four without sleep, practicing Vivaldi’s Four Seasons Suite for Lulu’s recital at Carnegie Hall.
Amy Chua is a Chinese American and a Yale Law School professor who decided to raise her two daughters the traditional Chinese way. To describe her strict parenting approach as “spare the rod, spoil the child” is like saying jumping off a 1,000 foot cliff headfirst could result in an owie. She re-defines the meaning of the phrase “tough love.”
Since reading her book, I have wholeheartedly embraced Chua’s breakthrough parenting philosophy and am here to share with you my Six Simple Steps to becoming a Tiger Mom (or Dad). Follow these six steps to the letter, and before you know it, you will be amazed at the change in your child’s performance at school. Get started today, and you can pretty much mail your child’s acceptance letter to Harvard in a couple months – unless, of course, she had her heart set on Oxford.
If you’re like most parents, every now and then you probably wonder quietly to yourself “Am I a failure as a parent?” In the case of Howard Ryerson of Danville, VA, I hate to break it to you, but the answer is Yes, Howard, you are.
So for the rest of you out there, let’s find out just how good a parent you are by taking this amazingly accurate scientifically proven assessment to measure your parenting effectiveness.
Q1: Are you a parent?
Q2: Do you live in either the United States or Canada?
Q3: Are you Caucasian?
If you answered YES to all three of the above, then statistically speaking, you are almost certainly a TERRIBLE PARENT. In a few years your kids will most likely take a job asking people if they would like to Super Size it for 25 cents more. That’s the conclusion (I draw) from Amy Chua’s controversial new best-selling book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
In case you’ve been without electricity for the past two months – perhaps you were rafting down the Amazon in search of a lost tribe – and you’ve never heard of this author or her book, let me be the first to welcome you back to Civilization. We’ve missed you. That’s Amy Chua pictured at right, carrying her younger child, Lulu, into the jungle, where she will leave her for three days to fend for herself after failing to get 100% on her 8th grade science quiz.
Last week I told you about the phenomenal Watson Super Computer from IBM. Watson appeared on the TV quiz show Jeopardy! and completely dominated the competition against his two human opponents, the two most successful champions in the quiz show’s history.
