Did you happen to catch the mean-spirited Super Bowl ad by those bastards at E*Trade making fun of poor Lindsay Lohan? You know the one. It features a toddler boy talking on the phone with his toddler girlfriend who gives him grief for not calling her the night before. The girlfriend, suspicious of his behavior, confronts him and asks “And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” just as another baby girl appears onscreen saying, “Milk-a-whaaat?” Here is the ad.
Well, hello! Could it be any more obvious this was a direct, mean-spirited frontal assault on the reputation of the quiet, publicity-shy mega-star? Of course not. So the 23-year old celebrity actress did what any average private citizen who owns five houses, a lear jet and their own line of fashion footwear would do when an ad mentions someone who shares their first name – she sued ‘em. Yes, she filed a totally justified lawsuit against those insensitive jerks at E*Trade for their blatant efforts to defame her in this commercial. Can you blame her? It’s obviously a direct character assassination, poking cruel fun at all the past media hype about her personal struggles with addiction to alcohol and cocaine and pain killers and stimulants and cough syrup and nasal spray and cosmetic surgery and changing her hair color and going to night clubs without wearing any underwear and … (Editor’s note: the preceding passage has been abridged due to space limitations.)
Deep thought of the day: “I kept wondering why the Frisbee seemed to be getting larger and larger… and then it hit me.” Normally that always gets a laugh out of me. But not today.
Pardon my melancholy mood. Perhaps the greatest American inventor of the 20th century just left us. Of course, I am referring to Walter Morrison, inventor of the Frisbee. Actually, he called his invention the Pluto Platter – before he turned over the concept (and what would have been his future fortune) to the nice folks at Wham-O Incorporated. Mr. Morrison passed away last month at his home in Utah at the age of um…. old as dirt.
It’s time for my annual gaze into my crystal ball to see what the year ahead has in store for us. If you happen to be Arnold Felderman of Waukesha, Wisconsin, I would just pack up now and head for a cave. For you, it’s going to be a really bad year. Sorry to be the one to tell you.
As for the rest of us, the future is a bit more hopeful. Oh sure, some politicians will stumble, some new war will likely break out between two minor countries our teenage kids have never heard of, like India and Pakistan, and some Hollywood celebrity will come out of the closet to confess he’s Republican. And no doubt some sports star will forever tarnish his legacy when it is discovered that he has illegally high traces of high fiber cereal in his urine. (more…)
Most of you know that I am widely considered to be among the most serious journalists in my house. So this week, as I have done every year for the past 30 years, I take stock in the people and events that shaped our world over the past 365 days in the much anticipated View From the Bleachers Year in Review, or as I like to call it VFTBYIR, for short.
My, what a crazy year it’s been. Here are just a few of the highlights (and low lights):
January: As further evidence that racial discrimination is alive and well in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama is inaugurated as the 44th President, once again giving a black man the worst job in the entire nation. After a honeymoon that lasts almost two weeks, he quickly is attacked as a Black Hitler, a communist, a terrorist, and a really bad bowler.
Each week in this humor blog, I try to poke fun at some current event, a lame trend, or, when I can’t think of anything else, Glenn Beck. But I wanted to speak to you seriously this week, from the heart, about what I am for and what I am against. For too long I have straddled the fence on controversial issues in my life. When I was young, I could not decide whether I liked chocolate ice cream or vanilla better. Who to root for in football, Army or Navy?
I continue to struggle to this day with taking a stand: Paper or plastic? 1% or fat free? Warm or cold rinse cycle? Letterman or Leno? To this day I still have never registered Democrat or Republican. I have always been that person who can see everybody else’s point of view and does not want to take a stand for fear of offending anybody. (I hope that’s not offensive to say.)
I was tweeting the other day – you know, on Twitter…. What, you are not familiar with Twitter? How about Facebook? No? Does “the Internet” ring a bell? Okay, in case you’re still living in that cave in Northern Afghanistan (or are my elderly mother) and you’re still not familiar with Twitter, it’s this web site where you can tell the world what you’re doing – so long as you can do it in 140 characters or less. But, and this is key, your message must be of interest to absolutely NOBODY but yourself.
It is such an incredible improvement over previous ways of communicating online. Instead of having to pound out long, detailed emails, now you can post easy-to-skim “tweets” as Twitter posts are called. Oh sure, some people say that most tweets are just a complete narcissistic waste of time. But I could not disagree more. Heck, just this morning, I learned the following very timely and helpful information at my Twitter home page from some fascinating people, a couple of whom I think I might have actually heard of:
Did you happen to catch the mean-spirited Super Bowl ad by those bastards at E*Trade making fun of poor Lindsay Lohan? You know the one. It features a toddler boy talking on the phone with his toddler girlfriend who gives him grief for not calling her the night before. The girlfriend, suspicious of his behavior, confronts him and asks “And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over?” just as another baby girl appears onscreen saying, “Milk-a-whaaat?” Here is the ad.
Deep thought of the day: “I kept wondering why the Frisbee seemed to be getting larger and larger… and then it hit me.” Normally that always gets a laugh out of me. But not today.
It’s time for my annual gaze into my crystal ball to see what the year ahead has in store for us. If you happen to be Arnold Felderman of Waukesha, Wisconsin, I would just pack up now and head for a cave. For you, it’s going to be a really bad year. Sorry to be the one to tell you.
