What a brilliant idea – baby food for adults in single serving jars. What could possibly go wrong? This was an actual product idea Gerber brought to market. Shockingly, it was an epic fail. (Not making this up.)
What a brilliant idea – baby food for adults in single serving jars. What could possibly go wrong? This was an actual product idea Gerber brought to market. Shockingly, it was an epic fail. (Not making this up.) Most Business marketing gurus study successful product launches like the iPhone, the Amazon Echo, or my personal favorite – the wheel. Not me. As one of America’s leading self-proclaimed marketing and brand management experts, I prefer to examine the spectacular, crater-sized smoking holes left in the market by history’s greatest commercial flops. (I’m looking at you, Cyber Truck.) I’m talking about those mind-bogglingly bad ideas that make you wonder if the entire executive suite was huffing industrial copier fluid during the development phase.
Recently, while researching some of the most catastrophic product launches of the past half century, I uncovered a treasure trove of previously unreleased shareholder letters from corporate CEOs. These letters attempted to explain how products which should have been laughed out of the conference room somehow made it all the way to store shelves. What follows is a sampling of a few of those letters.
All of the following disastrously misguided product launch failures actually happened.
__________________________________________________________________________
EXHIBIT A: GERBER FOODS (1974) Context: The genius idea to market “Gerber Singles” – pureed, jarred meals for single adults.
To Our Valued Shareholders,
As you know, our Q3 earnings look like a crime scene. Many of you have expressed disappointment over our recent launch of Gerber Singles for Adults. For this, I must squarely place the blame on our Senior VP of Product Innovation, Gary Smithers.
Gary assured me that the “swinging singles” of the 1970s were tired of cooking whole steaks and wanted nothing more than to pop open a small glass jar of room-temperature, pureed Beef Burgundy and eat it with a tiny plastic spoon while watching Match Game.
Unfortunately, the launch suffered due to several unforeseen factors. For one, Gary badly misread the market. He insisted on using the slogan: “Dinner You Can Swallow Without Chewing.” In hindsight, this may have unintentionally suggested weakness, frailty, or that the product was primarily aimed at nursing home residents.
The product flopped after three months not because adults don’t want mushy, pre-chewed food, but because Gary insisted on putting a picture of our iconic chubby Gerber baby on the label. I think it sent the wrong message.
We are currently repurposing the leftover mush into drywall paste. Gary has been demoted to jar-sterilizer.
Sincerely, Daniel Gerber, CEO, Gerber Foods
__________________________________________________________________________
EXHIBIT B: HARLEY-DAVIDSON (1996) Context: The legendary motorcycle company launches Harley-Davidson Perfume.
Dear Shareholders,
As many of you know, our entry into the fragrance market failed to meet expectations. Specifically, consumers did not embrace our Harley-Davidson perfume line, despite extensive testing. Our chief marketing officer Chad Bennington strongly believed men would be drawn to women who possessed a fragrance that hinted of “gasoline, leather, poor financial decisions, and Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts.”
It turns out men do not want their wives on date night to smell like a broken-down transmission fluid leak. In Chad’s defense, our focus groups responded surprisingly positively after the fourth beer.
Where we miscalculated was in assuming customers wanted to smell like motorcycles rather than simply ride them. We also failed to realize in time that there really is no such thing as an automotive personal fragrance market. Chad has been asked to clear out his desk and ride his motorcycle into the sunset.
We remain optimistic that a relaunch could succeed if paired with a free kickstand and limited-edition neck tattoo.
Warm regards,
Richard Teerlink, Harley-Davidson CEO
Another epic failure was the 2005 launch by Frito-Lay of Cheetos “Flamin’ Hot” lip balm. (Not making this up.) The fact that it came with a Cheetos-themed key chain didn’t help with sales. If you ask me, nothing says “smooth, soft lips” like a cheese-flavored lip balm that tastes like your mouth is on fire.
__________________________________________________________________________
EXHIBIT C: FORD MOTOR COMPANY, BRAZIL DIVISION (1970s) Context: Launching the Ford Pinto in Brazil, completely unaware that “Pinto” is Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals.”
To Our South American Stakeholders,
It has come to our attention that the Ford Pinto has not performed well in Brazil due to an unfortunate linguistic oversight. It turns out our Head of Global Naming, Todd Johnson, did not consult a Portuguese dictionary. Apparently, introducing a car whose name in Portuguese translates to the “Ford Tiny Male Genitals” does not inspire the bravado and machismo that Brazilian men look for in a sub-compact economy automobile.
Naturally, this complicated our advertising campaign. Our original slogan, “Drive Your Little Pinto with Pride,” tested poorly. Dealerships reported customers entering Ford showrooms merely to laugh hysterically and pose for photographs next to the vehicle.
I blame this disastrous rollout on Todd’s lack of vision. Honestly, if Todd had just tweaked the marketing campaign to lean into the name, we could have owned the market. We should have marketed it as: “The Ford Pinto: It’s not the size of the car that counts; it’s how you park it!”
Nevertheless, we remain proud of the Pinto and maintain that under a different name – perhaps “The Ford Reasonably Average-Sized Penis” – the vehicle could have succeeded.
Regretfully,
Henry Ford II, CEO, Ford Motor Company
__________________________________________________________________________
EXHIBIT D: COLGATE-PALMOLIVE (1982) Context: “Colgate Kitchen Entrees,” featuring frozen dinners like Colgate Beef Lasagna.
Dear Investors,
We regret to inform investors that our line of Colgate frozen dinners has been discontinued. Apparently, consumers were uncomfortable purchasing entrées associated with cavity prevention.
Our senior branding director Brenda Whitaker convinced the board that because people love the minty-fresh taste of Colgate toothpaste at 7:00 AM, they’d naturally crave a piping-hot tray of Colgate Beef Lasagna at 7:00 PM. Unfortunately, we discovered that people don’t enjoy eating products that sound like they should be followed by rinsing and spitting.
Several focus group participants specifically cited concerns over “minty lasagna confusion.” One customer reportedly wandered a grocery aisle for twenty minutes trying to determine whether “Colgate Beef Ravioli” was intended for lunch or plaque control.
Still, we stand by the quality of the meals themselves and maintain that our “Tartar Control Meatloaf” deserved more time in the marketplace.
Brenda is no longer with us, and we are currently trying to melt down the remaining inventory into a mint-flavored bathroom caulk.
Optimistically yours,
Wallace Colgate, CEO, Colgate-Palmolive
__________________________________________________________________________
As I reviewed these corporate apologies, one thing became painfully obvious: many CEOs are unwilling to admit when an idea itself is idiotic. Instead, they blame the rollout. The packaging was wrong. The slogan missed the mark. America overreacted to mint-flavored ravioli. Apparently, no one in the boardroom ever stood up and said: “Gentlemen, perhaps adults do not want strained beef in a baby jar.”
Personally, I think when selecting CEOs, companies should prioritize leaders who accept responsibility for failure. Or at minimum, leaders capable of inventing better excuses. Because if your explanation for Harley-Davidson perfume failing is, “Consumers weren’t emotionally prepared to smell like carburetors,” then perhaps the real product needing to be discontinued is your CEO.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go market my own new invention: The View from the Bleachers-Brand Scented Air Freshener. It smells like overcooked hot dogs, stale beer, and shattered dreams. My marketing team assured me it’s an amazing idea. So when it fails, I already know exactly who to fire.
Here is one new product launch that is guaranteed to become a smashing success. My own invention: VFTB Air Freshener. It came to me in a dream, so you know I’ve thought it through. Buy 50 cans and the 51st one is half off. That’s marketing, buddy!
That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.
PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook.
Subscribe to my View from the Bleachers YouTube Channel and request notifications to see my latest videos. And check out my latest book, THE SECRET TO SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS (is Something I Have Never Figured Out. I’m Open to Suggestions).
