Game Show Host: Welcome everybody to another episode of the wildly popular trivia game Who Said What? Tonight’s contestant is Wilbur Deffinear, an 84-year-old retired construction worker from Chugwater, Wyoming. Welcome to the show, Wilbur! Are you excited?
Wilbur: I’m sorry, what did you just say? My hearing isn’t so good these days. I worked a jackhammer for 50 years. Turns out if you hold a tiny earthquake next to your head for half a century, there are consequences.
Host: (Smiling broadly) No worries, Wilbur. The game is simple. I’ll ask you a series of questions. If you answer correctly, you move on and the prize money keeps climbing. Ready to begin?
Wilbur: Begin what?
Host: The game, Wilbur. The game! Here we go. For $125: After what person is the standard unit of electrical power named?
Wilbur: (Leaning in) What?
Host: Correct! A watt — named after Scottish engineer James Watt. Good start!
Host: For $250: When you’re engaged in conversation and the other person appears not to be paying attention, what might the other person say in response to your question?
Wilbur: Huh?
Host: Yes! “Huh?” is absolutely correct! For $500, what rock group composed and performed the famous rock opera Tommy in 1969?
Wilbur: Who are you talking about?
Host: The Who. Correct again! You’re 3-for-3!
Wilbur: Who said what? Could you repeat the question?
Host: I’m afraid we don’t have time. For $1,000: A man is released from prison because the president has granted him a what?
Wilbur: Pardon me? What did you—
Host: Pardon is correct! Ladies and gentlemen, this guy’s unstoppable!
Wilbur: Not sure I’m at the right place. I was trying to get to my doctor’s office for my proctology exam. I got kind of lost…
Host: For $2,500: What famous, but enigmatic Beatles song from 1969 included the cryptic lyrics, “He got ju-ju eyeball, he one holy roller?”
Wilbur: Come again?
Host: Well, technically, it was Come Together. But the judges say, “Close enough.” Well done. Now, for $5,000, what were Ludwig van Beethoven’s last words?
Wilbur: I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.
Host: EXACTLY. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.” Because he was deaf. Well done again, Wilbur.
Wilbur: What did you just say? My hearing aid fell off. I can’t find it.
Host: For $10,000: Do you know the name of the first James Bond film villain?
Wilbur: No. Can’t say that I – …
Host: Dr. No! Correct again! This man is a cinema scholar!
Wilbur: I haven’t been to a movie since Reagan was shot.
Host: For $15,000: Can you tell me the first two words of the Four Tops’ smash hit song whose title ends with “Help Myself”?
Wilbur: I can’t… uh… sorry.
Host: “I Can’t!” Correct! The full title is “I Can’t Help Myself.” It topped the Billboard 100 charts for two weeks in 1965. How did you know that, Wilbur?
Wilbur: I have no idea what is happening…
Host: For $25,000: What famous Shakespeare line begins with the words “To be or not to be? That is the – blank?
Wilbur: Um, Question. What did you just – ?
Host: QUESTION. That is correct! From Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1. This is getting really exciting. Now, Wilber, for $50,000: What is the English translation of the French phrase “Je ne sais pas”?
Wilbur: Well, I don’t know. I’ve never been to Fran-…
Host: YES! That’s 100% right! Je ne sais pas literally means “I don’t know.” Remarkable! (The crowd is going wild now.)
Wilbur: Who are all these people and why are they all screaming at me?
Host: For $75,000: In the 1999 film The Matrix, what does Keanu Reeves’ character Neo say when he is first told about the Matrix?
Wilbur: What are you trying to tell me?
Host: BINGO! He says those immortal words, “What are you trying to tell me?” as Morpheus tries to explain to Neo about the Matrix. Incredible!
Wilbur: Is this going to take much longer? I don’t want to miss the Early Bird special at the Golden Corral.
Host: Not much longer, Wilbur. You’re now just one question away from our $100,000 grand prize.
In the 1994 film Pulp Fiction, in the movie’s most famous scene, what does Samuel L. Jackson shout while interrogating a man about a missing wallet?
Wilbur: Say what again? I missed the last part—
Host: SAY WHAT AGAIN! That’s right!! Wilbur, unbelievable. You just won $100,000!
(Audience explodes. Confetti cannons fire. Wilbur shields himself, thinking he’s under attack.)
Host: Wilbur, is there anything you’d like to say at this moment?
Wilbur: Yes. My hearing aid fell out when I first sat down. I haven’t understood a single word you’ve said the entire time. For all I know, I just agreed to join the Navy.
Host: Wilbur, no, much better. You just won $100,000!
Wilbur: I owe a thousand dollars? I don’t have that kind of money on me.
Host: (Handing him a massive, oversized cardboard check) No, you WON $100,000! Here’s your prize!
Wilbur: (Staring at the giant board) What is this?
Host: It’s a check!
Wilbur: A what?
Host: A CHECK!
Wilbur: (Nervously) Czech? No, no… I’m Polish on my mother’s side. I think there’s been a mistake.
Host: That’s all the time we have tonight! Join us next week on Who Said What? where we’ll be introducing a brand-new contestant who is technically legally blind and forgot his glasses.
That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.
PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook.
Subscribe to my View from the Bleachers YouTube Channel and request notifications to see my latest videos. And check out my latest book, THE SECRET TO SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS (is Something I Have Never Figured Out. I’m Open to Suggestions).
