On this very special Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share a special poem I wrote for my wife, expressing just how much I love her. I guess I’ve always been a bit of a hopeless romantic. Hope it warms your heart. – Tim

Darling,

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so is high fructose corn syrup

Which from a manufacturing perspective

Is easier to handle and cheaper to make

Using an acid-enzyme process

In which corn is milled to extract corn starch

Which is then acidified

To begin breaking up the existing carbohydrates

With high-temperature enzymes added

To further metabolize the starch

And convert the resulting sugars to fructose

To which various enzymes are then added

After which it is filtered using activated carbon

Then demineralized using ion-exchange resins

And run over immobilized xylose isomerase

Which turns the sugars to ~50–52% glucose

With some unconverted oligosaccharides

And 42% fructose

The sweetness of which

Is comparable to sucrose

But not as sweet as you

Love,

Your SWEETHEART

[NOTE: This week’s column was written by my life-long friend and fellow humorist, Steve Fisher. Steve is the person who inspired me to create View from the Bleachers back in 2009, and he is the funniest person I have ever known. Steve gave me permission to share his love poem with my VFTB readers. Thanks, Steve! – TEJ ]

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