Over the past few years, I’ve noticed I’ve begun to put on a few pounds. I noticed this primarily because my wife kept saying, “Hey, you’ve put on a few pounds. When are you going to do something about it?”
In my younger years, I used to treat my body like a temple. But lately my body has become more of a Temple of Doom. So I’ve decided to do something about it.
I tried various fad diets: the Nothing-but-fruit diet, the Everything-but-fruit diet, the Mango & Salmon milk shake diet, the “All-You-Can-Eat-Just-So-Long-As-It’s-Cabbage” diet. None of them worked, in part because I usually gave up after about 40 minutes.
I recently discovered – much to my chagrin – that there are no short cuts to fitness and good health. So I came up with eight very simple daily commitments in the areas of fitness and nutrition. I once raced in the New York Marathon. (Okay, meandered might be more accurate description of my pace.) Heck, by comparison, this should be a piece of cake. Drat! Now I’m craving a piece of cake.
I knew I would not succeed unless I wrote down my new commitments. I was later informed that writing them down and shoving the list in my file drawer would not be enough to ensure success. I had to actually track my progress. So far, I’m off to a bit of a shaky start.
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DAY 16 |
| Daily Commitment | Actual Results |
| Healthy breakfast with fruit | Had two bowls of Fruit Loops. The cereal even has “fruit” in its name, so it’s got to be healthy. Note to self: re: Count Chocula. Apparently chocolate is not a fruit. Bummer. |
| Stretch 10 minutes | In explaining to my wife why I needed to buy a new set of golf clubs, I stretched the truth for over 15 minutes. Counting that as stretching. |
| Drink 8 glasses of water | Drank 32-ounce Big Gulp. Some new flavor called Cranberry Splash. Pretty sure cranberry is a fruit – or maybe a vegetable – so once again, think I aced this one. |
| No junk food. Try almonds or carrots | Scarfed down two slices of carrot cake – with almond slivers on top. Killed two birds with one stone. Sa-weet. |
| 45-minute aerobic workout | Went to health club to run on treadmill. Opted for the Jacuzzi instead. Lots of air bubbles, so that’s sort of aerobic, I think. |
| Weights for 30 minutes | Fell asleep in Jacuzzi so ran out of time. Double up tomorrow. |
| No eating after 8pm | Had a chocolate-covered donut and rocky road ice cream at 9:45pm but technically it was only 7:45pm in Hawaii. Show me where I said it had to be 8pm in my time zone! Nowhere! |
| Floss teeth before bed | Totally spaced. But in my defense, I was thinking about it. Then my wife distracted me by asking me how my day was. So it’s her fault. |
I have to say, this is much harder than I thought. It’s now day 21 and frankly, my progress has slowed down a bit. Today my exercise consisted of channel surfing. So technically, that’s a kind of surfing. And surfing’s aerobic.
And while I was channel surfing, I saw this infomercial about a breakthrough new miracle fat-burning pill that melts away fat while you sleep. One customer claimed she lost 50 pounds in two weeks. I have to try this out. And here’s the best part: No flossing required.
That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.
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© Tim Jones, View from the Bleachers 2013
Tim, Once again you have nailed it. Great work.
Tim, your diet sounds fantastic. Do you mind if I copy it and use your formula? We could keep track of who loses the most weight – you, me or your friendly chipmunk.
As some of yer’ ‘diet ‘ food is not available in Canada, would it count if I substituted say a Tim Horton’s Dutchie donut – it has raisins in it which would automatically be classed as a fruit portion for my breakfast?
Now the water bit. I do drink 8 glasses a day – but I have to spice it up with an ounce and a half of double malted Scotch., give or take but mostly give. Scotch has a reaction of making a person feel wonderful for the day and I’m so relaxed that I forget to eat. Or, is is because I pass out????
Loved the blog.