Facebook post from an annoyingly rich dude: Just bought a new Lamborghini. I couldn’t decide on white or silver. I opted for white because it came with this super model. Her name is Mackenzie. Or maybe it was McKenna. Sure is great to be me.
I remember a time when life was simpler and far less annoying. Back then I actually spent most of my free time doing productive things like reading books and helping my kids with their math homework.
That all stopped, however, in February 2004, the month that Facebook launched. It forever changed how we spend way too much of our spare time. 21 years later, I still squander too many minutes each day scrolling through photos of people’s haute cuisine restaurant meals or recently completed home renovations.
Too often my news feed is bombarded by photos people post touting their nine-year-old’s amazing little league accomplishments or broadcasting their latest promotion to a position like Global Vice President of Strategic Strategizing, which they clearly posted primarily to point out that their career has been far more successful than mine ever was. Thanks for the reminder.
Technically, I can’t prove that Facebook is the brainchild of Satan, but that’s my current working theory. If you ask for my opinion – and trust me, my adult children never do – Facebook is the ideal social media platform if you’re interested in learning how much better everybody else’s lives – and children – are than yours.
After 30 minutes on Facebook, I rediscover just how much more successful a human being most of my friends are than I am. As a bonus, today I learned about a creative eggplant & cauliflower soup recipe from Carla. (I probably should mention I don’t care for either of these foods – or Carla.)
I always feel inadequate when I come upon self-promoting Facebook posts like these:
Humble bragging announcements, like this one from Rich Boasterman:
“I was stunned to learn I’ve been awarded Miami-Dade County’s Person of the Year – again. I feel so humbled and honored to be recognized for my countless humanitarian achievements. All I did was mentor 2,000 at-risk teenagers and build a state-of-the-art homeless shelter – and several other selfless things I will mention in four separate posts. There were so many other worthy people who were almost as deserving of this great honor as I am.”
Over-the-top proclamations of everlasting love, like this one from Faith Lovingheart:
“I’m blessed to have finally found my soulmate after so many years of searching. Brian and I are officially engaged. He is the love of my life, the wing beneath my wings, the sun to my moon. Every day he makes me want to be a better person. And I knew we would be happy together forever the moment I met him two weeks ago at the craps table at Caesar’s in Vegas.”
Facebook post from a successful architect: I just finished building my 2nd log home. This is just the servant’s quarters. The great room’s 20-ft. wide stone fireplace came out nicely, as you will see from the 15 photos I have posted.
Gloating posts crowing about how awesome their child is, like this one from Joyce Bettermom:
“I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of my son Henry. But I’m going to, anyway. Not only did he become valedictorian of his class, but he was voted MVP of his soccer team. After med school, Henry plans to be a brain surgeon and cure cancer. I can’t wait to see what he achieves next year when he enters first grade.”
Or posts intended mainly to make you jealous of their life, like this one by Chase Oceanview:
“Life for me and Veronica has been so busy refurbishing our Aspen ski-out chalet this summer that we’ve barely had time to visit our Catalina beachside bungalow, let alone our vacation villa in Corsica. Here are photos of our remodeled 7,000 sq. ft. cliffside cottage in Maui. Today, I think I need some self-care, so I plan to go for a drive in my new Bugatti Chiron Super Sport Noire.”
I think Facebook should create an algorithm that blocks any post from my feed that will make me feel bad about myself. Personally, I would like to a lot more honest, truthful posts, like these…
Honest posts about people’s marriage, like this one from Rashida Loveless:
“This is a photo of me and my husband Ralph on our wedding day. Can’t believe it’s been it’s been 15 years since we both said, ‘I Do.’ I probably should have said ‘I Don’t.’ Since then Ralph’s put on 50 pounds and I barely get four hours sleep a night, thanks to his snoring. I think he loves his LEGO collection more than me. But at least our marriage is not like Ken and Marge’s. Talk about a train wreck. Glad we’re not them.”
Career updates that sound far more realistic, like this one from Herb Wurkzadrahg:
“After twenty years with my company, I’m still chained to my cubicle and not making nearly enough to pay for my kids’ college education. But hey, at least I now get a third week of vacation for having survived this toxic hellhole for another five years. I seriously need to update my resume. This job sucks.”
Facebook post from a bragging mom: This is my eight-year-old son Bradley. He just finished performing Prokofiev – Piano Concerto No. 2, considered one of the five most difficult piano concertos ever composed. He just got a full scholarship to the Yale School of Music. So disappointing. We were hoping for Juilliard.
Accurate news about their child’s more modest achievements, like this one from Kathy Hopedphermor:
“My son Curtis is doing well enough. He’s only in fifth grade but I can already tell that grad school is out of the question. He’s just lazy. But he raised his GPA from 2.0 to 2.3 this semester, so I guess that’s a thing, right? Did I mention he recently earned the high score on Call of Duty 5. Is that a good thing? I really have no idea anymore.”
Vacation updates that sound more down to earth, like this one from Albert Campzalot:
“A cruise to the Mediterranean looks increasingly unlikely again this year, given I’ve been out of commission with a back injury from raking leaves. So, this year, we’ll probably do another staycation here in Buloxi. Either that or maybe spend a week at my sister’s house in Beaumont, TX. God, I hope her college kids won’t be there. They are so obnoxious. And they love to terrorize my labradoodle Cosmo.”
Yeah, these sound far more honest than most of the Facebook posts I see in my feed. Why can’t we get more posts like these? I’d be happy to give them a 
or even a 
.
Well, I need to go. I need to log onto Facebook and post a few photos of our incredible vacation to the Galapagos. Did I mention we stayed on a 100-foot yacht? It was nice, but I miss our vacation home in Cabo right about now.
That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.
PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook.
Subscribe to my View from the Bleachers YouTube Channel and request notifications to see my latest videos. And check out my new book, THE SECRET TO SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS (is Something I Have Never Figured Out. I’m Open to Suggestions).
