My Wife Says We Hold Onto Too Much Stuff – Why She’s Wrong

My Wife Says We Hold Onto Too Much Stuff – Why She’s Wrong

My wife complains we have way too much stuff. That’s so silly. She thinks that I should give away my boom box just because I haven’t turned it on since 2004. But what if cassette tapes make a comeback? Then what will I have to play my 1970’s Roy Orbison tapes on? Did she ever think about that?

My wife complains we have way too much stuff. That’s so silly. She thinks that I should give away my boom box just because I haven’t turned it on since 2004. But what if cassette tapes make a comeback? Then what will I have to play my 1970’s Roy Orbison tapes on? Did she ever think about that?

For the past several years, my wife Michele and I have had a running debate about how much stuff to hold onto and whether or not to give away (or in some cases, throw away) some of the rarely used excess items lying around the house.

Michele has a long list of what she considers to be totally unnecessary items that are no longer being used, just taking up space, and should be given away. I’m cautiously optimistic to report that as of this writing, I am not one of the items on that list. But I suspect I’m on the bubble.

I totally agree with my wife that we have too much crap. It’s just that we can’t quite agree on whose crap needs to be jettisoned. For example, we have an entire freezer filled to the brim with frozen broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and cauliflower. I assure you, I will NEVER EVER eat any of these, so if it were my call, I would give all of these away to a needy broccoli-loving home.

But my wife, for reasons unfathomable to me, seems to be under the misguided notion that I’m the far guiltier party when it comes to holding onto things we don’t need. The example she often cites is the fact that I have taken up one full closet to stash memorabilia from my childhood. It consists of barely 25 boxes of papers, photos, art projects and other keepsakes dating back to first grade and continuing through graduate school. It includes important relics like a clay sculpture I made in first grade that looks like a rat but was supposed to be an elephant, my fourth grade social studies report on Uruguay, several high school term papers, and three boxes of letters from college ex-girlfriends.

My wife lamely brings up the minor detail that technically I have not opened up any of these boxes once in the past 30 years. That may be true, but I was planning on getting around to reviewing one box a month very soon – by which I mean whenever I have completely run out of ideas for other things to do in my life.

My wife rightly points out that I have literally dozens of shirts and pants filling up our bedroom closet that I haven’t worn in years (mainly because I can’t fit into any of them at the moment). But I’m planning on losing 40 pounds, and when I finally get down to my college weight, I’ll be so glad I held onto that lime green Nehru jacket and those lavender bell-bottom corduroy slacks for all these years.

This is a small sampling of my collection of novelty hats. I bought them to use in my VFTB YouTube channel videos. My wife points out that I never wear them after the video is done. But I say, you never know when you might need a Viking helmet or a Canadian Mountie hat. I want to be properly attired if the prime ministers of Norway or Canada ever stop by for a visit. It’s good to be prepared.

This is a small sampling of my collection of novelty hats. I bought them to use in my VFTB YouTube channel videos. My wife points out that I never wear them after the video is done. But I say, you never know when you might need a Viking helmet or a Canadian Mountie hat. I want to be properly attired if the prime ministers of Norway or Canada ever stop by for a visit. It’s good to be prepared.

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I’m seriously into sports of all kinds. The fact that I suck at most of them is beside the point. So, over the years, I’ve accumulated a large assortment of sporting equipment – some of which I actually have used. She pointed out that we never use our badminton set or our croquet set. “And why are you holding onto a second set of golf clubs?,” she rudely intoned the other day. “Because,” I reminded her, “what do I do if Barack Obama – who is a close personal friend of mine ever since we worked out together – came to visit and wanted to play golf?” You never know when you may need a backup set of clubs. 

The list of items my wife wants me to give away is getting longer by the day. It includes such precious heirlooms as my Rock’em Sock’em Robots set which I got for Christmas in 4th grade (the red boxer still works). She also questions why I’m still holding onto my extensive assortment of 1980s movies on VHS – since we haven’t had a VHS player for years. But I will have you know I still have every Ace Ventura, Pet Detective movie Jim Carrey ever made.. And I’m sure you’d agree that my Director’s Cut VHS edition of Patrick Swayze’s cult classic Road House alone will be worth a small fortune someday.

For reasons I still don’t grok, my wife also feels there is no reason to keep my 1992 Casio keyboard. It’s true that I can’t remember the last time I played it. But now that I’m retired, I was planning on taking up piano again. I explained to my wife that it’s never too late to start a music career. I reminded her that Willie Nelson didn’t even take up singing until he was 58 years old. Imagine that! Okay, so technically that’s a lie, but my wife didn’t know that. And I needed this statistic to bolster my case to let me hold onto my Casio player.

This is CHOMPERS, my guard T-Rex that sits next to my desk in my office. For some insane reason I can’t fathom, my wife feels it’s ridiculous for a man my age to have a giant stuffed animal in my office. She says we should get rid of it. But I pointed out that if we gave away Chompers, how would I protect myself from deadly rhinoceros sneak attacks while I’m writing?

This is CHOMPERS, my guard T-Rex that sits next to my desk in my office. For some insane reason I can’t fathom, my wife feels it’s ridiculous for a man my age to have a giant stuffed animal in my office. She says we should get rid of it. But I pointed out that if we gave away Chompers, how would I protect myself from deadly rhinoceros sneak attacks while I’m writing?

She keeps harping about all the items she feels we should get rid of. But the door swings both ways. There are several items she still clings onto, like her voluminous inventory of art supplies – not to mention her closet full of dresses, blouses and jewelry – none of which I have worn in years. But you don’t see me telling her to throw out her cherished possessions. Because I am a considerate spouse.

I’m willing to meet my wife halfway. I’m open to compromise. Heck, I long ago stopped complaining when she kept putting the toilet paper rolls on the wrong way (under instead of over). I no longer bring up the fact that she still doesn’t know how to properly load the dishwasher. So, don’t tell me I’m not willing to be reasonable and accommodating.

But there’s a line in the sand my wife had better not cross. If she thinks for one second I’m going to let her throw out my three-feet-long stuffed animal whale named Maybe Dick that I got for my birthday in second grade, then she’s in for an ugly fight. I’d no sooner part with Maybe Dick than I’d let go of my priceless collection of life-size Simpsons action figures. My daughters will thank me someday.

That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.

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Why I Despise – CORRECTION: ADMIRE Governor Ron DeSantis

Why I Despise – CORRECTION: ADMIRE Governor Ron DeSantis

This is Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida. He is widely seen by many Republicans as the next Donald Trump. He is really shaking things up in the Sunshine State. And he just might be our 47th president. If you like a leader who can’t stand anyone who disagrees with him and who’s angry 80% of the time, this just might be your guy.

This is Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida. He is widely seen by many Republicans as the next Donald Trump. He is really shaking things up in the Sunshine State. And he just might be our 47th president. If you like a leader who can’t stand anyone who disagrees with him and who’s angry 80% of the time, this just might be your guy.

Most historians are in agreement that of the people who have been president of the United States, Donald Trump ranks among the top 46 (barely beaten out by the 45th best president, James Buchanan).

Personally, I’ve never had a strong opinion one way or the other about Trump, unless you consider the fact that since he was elected in 2016, I’ve written over THIRTY articles about this deplorable, vile, racist, misogynistic malignant narcissist, who is a lazy, incurious, vain, grossly overweight petulant man-child who is also a serial criminal / traitor / mob boss who only cares about himself and demands loyalty but offers none in return. But besides that, I really haven’t given the man much thought over the past seven years – except when I’ve been conscious.

As terrible a human being as Trump is, he’s not the person who keeps me up at night. That honor goes to Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. In case you haven’t been following the news lately, you might want to pay closer attention – because DeSantis is the odds-on favorite to challenge Trump for the Republican presidential nomination in 2024. There is a very real possibility he could be our next president.

The more I’ve learned about DeSantis, the more I’ve come to the opinion he’d be a dream candidate for president – assuming your dream candidate is a brooding, malevolent, temperamental, wannabe dictator who, if given the chance, is intent on turning his state, and eventually the nation, into an anti-woke, white Christian nationalist authoritarian society, fashioned exactly in the mold of Hungary’s fascist-leaning prime minister, Viktor Orbán. If this sort of world sounds like paradise to you, perhaps you’ve been watching a little too much Tucker Carlson (who is, by the way, a big fanboy of Viktor Orbán). Perhaps consider changing the channel to the PBS News Hour.

If you like Trump, you’re going to love Ron DeSantis. He’s every bit the megalomaniac as Don the Con, only much smarter and able to pronounce complicated words like “Beyoncé,” “Namibia,” and “United States.” In a nutshell, he’s Trump but without the fake orange spray tan – or all the impending criminal indictments.

So how does Gov. DeSantis compare to Donald Trump as a possible future leader of the Republican party? Trump is volatile, nasty, and hates minorities, gays, and anyone who confronts him. DeSantis is the same – except that he’s not likely to go to prison any time soon. Also, he can pronounce words like “anonymous” and “government.”

So how does Gov. DeSantis compare to Donald Trump as a possible future leader of the Republican party? Trump is volatile, nasty, and hates minorities, gays, and anyone who confronts him. DeSantis is the same – except that he’s not likely to go to prison any time soon. Also, he can pronounce words like “anonymous” and “government.”

A former Florida state senator said the following:  “There are no second chances. It’s well known that you can’t go against him. If you cross him once, you’re dead.” No, he wasn’t talking about the man I prefer to call Mar-a-Lardo. He was talking about Ron DeSantis.

In a nutshell, DeSantis, working in close collaboration with the Republican-controlled state legislature, is actively working to turn Florida into a culture eerily similar to Orbán’s authoritarian Hungary. He famously led the push to implement a “Don’t Say Gay” law, banning classroom instruction dealing with sexual orientation or gender identity. He also is behind legislation to prevent schools and universities from talking about racism and systemic racism, in part because it might cause white kids to feel bad about being white. He’s a big promoter of the massive book ban taking place in Florida right now.

And if you’re a fan of Covid, you’d love living in the sunshine state, because as of March 2023, Florida continues to lead the nation in the number of Covid cases with 4,120 new cases per day (the next closest state is Texas at 3,010). That’s largely because Governor DeSantis is a strident anti-vaxxer who has repeatedly demonized all the health measures recommended by the CDC to fight the pandemic.

Recently, Commander Covid has petitioned the Florida Supreme Court to convene a grand jury to investigate “crimes and wrongdoing” (his words) related to the life-saving Covid vaccines – because he cares about freedom – apparently the freedom to expose people around you to the risk of dying from Covid.

DeSantis’ public persona is that of a charismatic, positive, kind, uplifting, likeable person. I’m just kidding. He’s an angry, churlish bully. A culture warrior who takes pleasure in attacking and mocking anyone who disagrees with him. Excuse me for a minute. My wife just showed me a news article with a rather disconcerting headline:

Florida bill will require bloggers who write about the governor to register with the state. 

According to this article (I’m not making this up), a bill has just been introduced in the Florida state legislature, endorsed by DeSantis, which, if passed, would “require bloggers who write about Gov. Ron DeSantis, his Cabinet or state legislators to register with the state within five days of the post.”  It goes on to say that failure to do so would result in fines of up to $2,500 per post.

Yikes! Apparently, the Governor is rather thin-skinned about criticism. And vengeful. Uh oh….

Um, after consultation with my wife, I would like to amend my previous somewhat critical comments regarding the Florida governor. Upon further reflection, I would like to clarify that I think Governor DeSantis is a great governor, a man of great conviction, and a man for the people (well, some of them, anyway). He is a beacon of freedom and patriotism (if not wearing a mask means you’re a patriot).

I used to think Ron DeSantis was a smug, arrogant, mean-spirited, hotheaded white supremacist. But then I read about the proposed Florida legislation that will require all bloggers writing about DeSantis to register with the state. I want to clarify my previous comments: I think Ron DeSantis is GREAT. Please don’t arrest me, okay?

I used to think Ron DeSantis was a smug, arrogant, mean-spirited, hotheaded white supremacist. But then I read about the proposed Florida legislation that will require all bloggers writing about DeSantis to register with the state. I want to clarify my previous comments: I think Ron DeSantis is GREAT. Please don’t arrest me, okay?

When I wrote the passage above, “He’s every bit the megalomaniac as Don the Con, only much smarter and able to say words like “Beyoncé,” “Namibia,” and “United States,” I would draw your attention to the part where I said he’s “much smarter.” I was just kidding about the “Wannabe dictator” paragraph. I had not eaten for hours, so I was feeling a bit hangry.

In conclusion, I just want to reiterate, as a blogger, I didn’t mean any of the insulting words I wrote about Our Dear Leader and Next Coming of Christ, Governor Ron. I’m a kidder. And I admire His Grand Imperial Highness deeply. I have decided to name my pet snake DeSantis in your honor, sir. I will raise my kids to fear anyone in drag and make sure they attend CPAC every year. And I promise never to let anyone vaccinate them – or any of our pets.

Oh, and one more thing, Governor DeSantis: PLEASE DON’T TAKE AWAY MY KIDS!! I BEG OF YOU!!

That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.

PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook.

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Humor Writing Made Easy With ChatGPT

Humor Writing Made Easy With ChatGPT

ChatGPT and the other leading AI Chatbot applications are radically changing how we communicate and gain information. For example, I used ChatGPT to suggest this caption which you are reading right now. Isn’t that amazing? (Okay, I lied. But I had you wondering, didn’t I?)

ChatGPT and the other leading AI Chatbot applications are radically changing how we communicate and gain information. For example, I used ChatGPT to suggest this caption which you are reading right now. Isn’t that amazing? (Okay, I lied. But I had you wondering, didn’t I?)

Technology futurists have been predicting for decades that AI (Artificial Intelligence) would eventually overhaul how we do our jobs, how we travel, and even how we engage in sex. But I’d rather not delve into my brother-in-law’s fascination with his AI robot girlfriend, the Monica XL-400. I still don’t understand their relationship, to be honest.

In recent months tremendous advances in AI have taken place, particularly with the introduction of something called AI chatbots. The one getting the most press coverage is ChatGPT from Open AI. So what, exactly, is ChatGPT? The GPT is short for generative pre-trained transformer. I am sure you found that explanation as helpful as I did. But as best as I can explain it, it is simply an AI-powered chatbot. We’ve all seen chatbots before. You know, those annoying online chat programs where you type in a request like, “Can I talk to someone in customer service?” and the chatbot replies, “Hello, I’m Brad. How can I help you?” And then you reply, “I just need to talk to a LIVE person,” and it replies, “Hello, I’m Brad. How can I help you?”

The technology of these AI chatbots is actually quite impressive. Just log onto one of these websites, type in any conceivable topic you’d like information about, and voilà! Within seconds, this AI program will compose a written response in surprising detail, crafted in such a way that it is almost impossible to tell that it was not written by a person.

ChatGPT, Chatfuel, Drift, MobileMonkey, and the slightly creepily named chatbot program, It’s Alive, are all exploding in popularity because they’re free and anyone can use them. If you know how to type and spell, you’re good to go – which is why my cat Zippy will most likely never use any of these programs, because the last time I checked, he still lacked opposable thumbs or any comprehension of what his name was.

Now, for the first time, there are utilities that will answer virtually any question in enormous detail. Sure, Amazon’s Alexa and Apple’s Siri do sort of the same thing, but the latest evolution of AI apps has taken everything to an entirely new stratosphere, as these chatbots can now use artificial intelligence tools to produce detailed text, images, sounds, and even videos that look and feel like they were created by humans.

Popular applications of this breakthrough technology include using it to write press releases and legal briefs, and helping to ensure that thousands of hardworking tech support and customer service employees all over the world will lose their jobs forever.

The line between actual humans and AI is getting more and more blurry. See this robot? She’s incredibly smart. You find her kind of sexy, don’t you? Then you’ve been spending way too much time online. Please put away your phone and play pickleball. You’re starting to worry me.

The line between actual humans and AI is getting more and more blurry. See this robot? She’s incredibly smart. You find her kind of sexy, don’t you? Then you’ve been spending way too much time online. Please put away your phone and play pickleball. You’re starting to worry me.

But probably the source of greatest controversy is the use of these programs to write high school and college term papers. You’re probably asking yourself, can a chatbot really craft a term paper that could fool a teacher? You be the judge. We asked a high school senior and ChatGPT the same question: “Who was George Washington?” Below are their responses. See if you can guess which response was written by Jordan Carruthers, a senior at Garfield High School, and which was provided by ChatGPT.

ChatGPT or Jordan Carruthers?

George Washington (1732-1799) was an American political leader, military general, and Founding Father of the United States. He played a crucial role in the American Revolution, leading the Continental Army to victory over the British and securing American independence. After the war, Washington was a key figure in the drafting of the U.S. Constitution and became the first President of the United States in 1789. He is often referred to as the “Father of His Country” for his leadership in both the military and political spheres, and his commitment to establishing a strong, stable government for the newly-formed United States. Washington’s legacy as a leader and statesman has been widely celebrated throughout American history.

ChatGPT or Jordan Carruthers?

George Washington chopped down a maple tree and had wooden teeth. He was very tall and wore a white wig. He stood in the front of a rowboat crossing a river in wintertime. That’s very dangerous, as he could have fallen overboard and drowned. He’s the guy on the one dollar bill. Did I mention he was tall? We get the day off every year on his birthday, so he must have been a fairly important dude.

Who wrote which version? It’s hard to tell, I know. Believe it or not, the first response was supplied by ChatGPT. But in fairness, Jordan Carruthers is a lazy idiot who’s probably not going to graduate on time. Of course, experts are concerned students may cheat and use ChatGPT to complete their term papers for them. This is a serious issue, and I, for one, am furious… that this technology was not available for me to use when I was in college back in the 1970s. So unfair.

Besides the obvious ethical concerns of the potential for widespread automated plagiarism, there are other significant challenges yet to be worked out. This technology has been shown, on occasion, to provide wildly inaccurate answers to questions – which could be problematic if you’re, say, a heart surgeon and you just asked the AI chatbot what to do next in a delicate coronary angioplasty and stent implantation, and the chatbot directs you to surgically attach the patient’s left leg to his right shoulder blade. Oops.

Another disturbing challenge in the rapid deployment of AI chatbots is that they can quickly become a**holes. Let me explain. AI chatbots are essentially highly sophisticated robot parrots. They quickly learn to assimilate knowledge – and opinions – based on the input they receive from the humans interacting with them. Before long, they start repeating the sentiments of their users.

The latest AI chatbot programs can even mimic the writing style of the greatest writers in history, like Shakespeare. However, ChatGPT, trying to emulate the Bard’s famous quote from Hamlet, wrote, “Am I or aren’t I: this is an interrogatory.” So, nice try, but not quite.

The latest AI chatbot programs can even mimic the writing style of the greatest writers in history, like Shakespeare. However, ChatGPT, trying to emulate the Bard’s famous quote from Hamlet, wrote, “Am I or aren’t I: this is an interrogatory.” So, nice try, but not quite.

So, imagine the tech team’s surprise when Microsoft launched its cutting-edge AI chatbot program called Tay. Twitter users conversing with Tay started tweeting the bot with a barrage of vitriol, including misogynistic and racist comments laced with offensive expletives. Within hours, Tay’s R-rated commentary started to make Donald Trump look like Mother Teresa. Guess it’s back to the drawing board, Microsoft.

I can appreciate that there are still a few bugs to work out before ChatGPT and the other AI chatbots become widespread in their adoption. But I for one am excited about the future potential. In fact, I am so impressed with these chatbots that I decided to use ChatGPT to compose this week’s entire column. From now on, instead of wasting seven exhausting hours working on my next column, I’ll just have an AI chatbot compose it. You can find me at the gym on the elliptical.

Next week’s topic: “The history of baseball.” I can’t wait to see what ChatGPT comes up with. I’m sure it will be compelling reading. I just hope it won’t be way better written than my usual columns.

That’s the view from the bleachers. I might be off base. If so, blame it on ChatGPT.

PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook.

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A Special Valentine’s Day Poem For My SWEETHEART

A Special Valentine’s Day Poem For My SWEETHEART

On this very special Valentine’s Day, I wanted to share a special poem I wrote for my wife, expressing just how much I love her. I guess I’ve always been a bit of a hopeless romantic. Hope it warms your heart. – Tim

Darling,

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so is high fructose corn syrup

Which from a manufacturing perspective

Is easier to handle and cheaper to make

Using an acid-enzyme process

In which corn is milled to extract corn starch

Which is then acidified

To begin breaking up the existing carbohydrates

With high-temperature enzymes added

To further metabolize the starch

And convert the resulting sugars to fructose

To which various enzymes are then added

After which it is filtered using activated carbon

Then demineralized using ion-exchange resins

And run over immobilized xylose isomerase

Which turns the sugars to ~50–52% glucose

With some unconverted oligosaccharides

And 42% fructose

The sweetness of which

Is comparable to sucrose

But not as sweet as you

Love,

Your SWEETHEART

[NOTE: This week’s column was written by my life-long friend and fellow humorist, Steve Fisher. Steve is the person who inspired me to create View from the Bleachers back in 2009, and he is the funniest person I have ever known. Steve gave me permission to share his love poem with my VFTB readers. Thanks, Steve! – TEJ ]

 

 

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Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?

Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?

This is a Mercury dime. This particular 1917 “full band” uncirculated edition is worth over $8,000. It got me to wondering: How many thousands would my extensive dime collection be worth?” The shocking answer stunned me.

This is a Mercury dime. This particular 1917 “full band” uncirculated edition is worth over $8,000. It got me to wondering: How many thousands would my extensive dime collection be worth?” The shocking answer stunned me.

Few people know that when I was young, I was a serious coin collector. From age six until 25, I collected Mercury dimes.

Fun fact: The Mercury dime was minted between 1916 and 1945. It was replaced in 1946 by the Roosevelt dime after the death of FDR in April 1945, as a way to honor his legacy.

The current value of Mercury dimes ranges widely. Some of them are worth barely more than their face value. But a 1935-S Mercury dime (The “S” means it was created at the San Francisco mint) has been appraised at $90,000. And one exceptionally well-preserved edition of the 1938-S Mercury dime has been assigned a value of $364,000 – or roughly $363,998 more than the current value of my Topps 1963 Major League baseball card of Willie Tasby of the Washington Senators. (He had a bad year that year.)

Several factors influence the market value of a coin: How many were produced, whether they ever entered into circulation, the coin’s overall condition, and whether or not they were ever part of Tim Jones’ private collection, in which case they would be considered primarily for their meltdown value.

When I first started collecting, I often asked my mother to take me to the bank where I asked the tellers whether they had any Mercury dimes they could exchange for my Roosevelt dimes. Initially, they were happy to trade with me. It was when I started asking the tellers if they’d trade me their Mercury dimes for my 1963 Willie Tasby baseball card that I started to run into some serious resistance.

This is a page from my Mercury dime collector’s book. Look at how many of the dates I had filled in! As I drove to the the coin shop to get my collection appraised, I reflected on an impending life-changing decision: Might this be the day I finally can retire? What car would I buy?

This is a page from my Mercury dime collector’s book. Look at how many of the dates I had filled in! As I drove to the the coin shop to get my collection appraised, I reflected on an impending life-changing decision: Might
this be the day I finally can retire? What car would I buy?

For reasons unknown, by the early 1960s Mercury dimes suddenly became almost impossible to locate – much like my middle school classmates, who, during recess, apparently decided hanging out with a coin-collecting nerd like me might ruin their chances to get girls to go out with them.

As a budding numismatist (which is nerd speak for coin collector), I bought a coin book specifically designed to display Mercury dimes, with a space for every year and every mint where the coins were produced – Philadelphia, Denver or San Francisco. By the time I reached age 18, I had populated my collector’s book with 42 dimes – a figure that exceeded the total number of dates I had gone out on in my life by 40. Some of them were rather scuffed up and had worn-out faces, but others were very well preserved. Sorry if that last sentence was not clear. I was referring to my coins, not my two dates.

I had one coin that was either a 1917-S (valued, depending on its condition, at between $1,000 and  $5,000) or a 1917-D (today worth only 25 cents). It was hard to tell whether it was an “S” or a “D.” So, I told everybody it was an S, thinking that might make me seem cool to girls. Fun fact: It did not.

My father always told me my dime collection would be worth something someday if I just held onto it long enough. As I got older, I thought about perhaps handing it down to one of my kids someday as a precious heirloom. I hid away my Mercury dime collection in the back of my closet, right next to my 1963 Willie Tasby baseball card – safe from any potential thieving intruders – for decades.

Fifty years after I saved my first Mercury dime, at the age of 56, I finally decided, for the first time in my life, to bring my rare coin collection to a reputable coin shop to have it professionally appraised.

In my mind I envisioned that our encounter would be like a scene from an episode of Antiques Roadshow. I could almost hear the life-altering words of the coin appraiser: “Tim, I would say your impressive assemblage represents one of the finest private collections of Mercury dimes I have ever seen. I see you even have the rare 1917-S coin, although at first glance I thought it might have been a 1917-D. I would say, based on the immaculate condition of your coins, conservatively, it has a current value of between $150,000 to $200,000.”

Did I mention I also have an extensive collection of over 100 PEZ dispensers? I’ve been collecting them for years. I’m sure someday they’ll be worth almost as much as my Mercury dime collection.

Did I mention I also have an extensive collection of over 100 PEZ dispensers? I’ve been collecting them for years. I’m sure someday they’ll be worth almost as much as my Mercury dime collection.

Oh My God! Can you believe it!!! Then I opened my eyes and realized I was still in my car in the parking lot. I entered the store. Over the past 50 years, my modest initial collection had swelled to 75 Mercury dimes, meaning the face value alone was $7.50. It did not take the appraiser long to return with his assessment: “I would say the current value of your collection is around $10.00. I’d be willing to give you $13.00.” 

 “What about my rare 1917-S coin? Isn’t that worth something?” 

“You mean your 1917-D? Yeah. It’s worth about 25 cents, give or take.”

Seriously? I’d been holding onto my collection for over 50 years, and its value had increased by roughly the price of a large Wendy’s Frosty? I was completely deflated. I thought long and hard about what to do next. Should I continue to hold onto my collection and give it to my daughter someday – perhaps when its value had soared to $15.00? I finally decided to accept the coin store owner’s offer of $13.00 and I said goodbye to the “precious” coin collection I had zealously guarded for the past half century.

I no longer have a single Mercury dime. But I still have my 1963 Willie Tasby baseball card. I’m sure eventually it will be worth a lot of money. Someday. It’s just a matter of time.

That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.

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