AUSTIN, TX – In news that shocked almost 14 people across America, Elon Musk announced Friday that Tesla will begin winding down production of its much-beloved Cybertruck at its Texas factory shortly after the end of 2026. The announcement brings to an end one of the most ambitious experiments in automotive design since someone decided the AMC Gremlin was a good idea.

The Cybertruck featured a bold, minimalist design with sharp angles and a triangular body shape that many observers said reminded them of metal trash bins found in hospital operating rooms. The dashboard had virtually no buttons, moving nearly every function to a large touchscreen. Like Henry Ford’s Model T, you could purchase your Cybertruck in any color you wanted, provided you wanted raw, unpainted stainless steel.

The doors featured no conventional exterior handles, leaving some prospective owners wondering whether they were purchasing a vehicle or trying to gain entry into a high-security prison. And rather than clutter the windshield with an annoying conventional rearview mirror, Tesla opted for a digital camera system. Because apparently seeing out the back of your truck was becoming entirely too old-fashioned.

Sadly, sales for the Cybertruck just barely fell short of Musk’s initial projections of 250,000 units per year. And by “barely fell short,” we mean approximately 39,000 Cybertrucks sold in 2024, 20,000 in 2025, and considerably fewer in 2026. Apparently, the American consumer wasn’t quite ready to embrace the idea of driving a stainless-steel refrigerator missing a door handle, on four wheels.

The Cybertruck was praised for its unorthodox styling, but mainly by Elon Musk and his core customer base for this vehicle: high-net-worth, tech-savvy males in their mid-40s who have trouble getting dates.

One of the challenges to gaining traction in the marketplace might have been its price tag, which could approach six figures. For that kind of money, buyers apparently expected something that looked a little less like a commercial dumpster and would draw fewer glares of contempt.

Early on, the controversial truck developed a reputation for exceptional quality and reliability, provided you overlooked its numerous federal safety recalls (11 to be exact). These included exterior trim panels that could detach while driving, accelerator pedals that could become stuck, and brake rotor problems that could potentially cause a wheel stud to separate. Elon Musk, always the marketer, proudly pointed out that unlike most vehicles on the road, the Cybertruck offered the rare, exciting possibility of arriving at your destination with slightly fewer parts than you left home with.

Cybertruck owners drew admiring stares wherever they went, with onlookers often offering one-fingered salutes of respect. Over time, however, the vehicle became something of a lightning rod for consumer resentment, particularly among people who weren’t especially fond of Elon Musk. This included a surprising number of women, minorities, college graduates, and people who were not big fans of chainsaws.

Still, millions of people became almost obsessed with this unique vehicle, as evidenced by countless glowing product reviews, like these:

⭐☆☆☆☆ — “I Ordered a Truck. I Received a Dumpster With Wi-Fi.”

“I’ve owned pickup trucks for 40 years, and I’ve never had one that made people stop, stare, point, and laugh quite so enthusiastically. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about people stealing it. They’re afraid someone might think it’s theirs.”

⭐☆☆☆☆ — “My Wife Thought I Bought a Refrigerator.”

“When I pulled into the driveway, my wife asked why I had parked a stainless-steel refrigerator in front of the garage. When I explained it was a $100,000 pickup truck, she asked if it came with an ice maker. Honestly, that would have been a more useful purchase.”

⭐☆☆☆☆ — “Great Vehicle If You Prefer to Stay At Home – Alone.”

“Since buying my Cybertruck, I’ve noticed something strange. People no longer wave when I drive by. My neighbors have stopped inviting me to barbecues. Even my brother-in-law won’t ride with me. I think they’re just jealous. Or possibly embarrassed to be seen with me. Hard to tell.”

⭐☆☆☆☆ — “Finally, A Truck That Makes a Pontiac Aztek Look Good.”

“I used to think the Pontiac Aztek was the ugliest vehicle ever manufactured. I owe General Motors an apology. Apparently, somewhere in the Tesla design studio, someone looked at a dumpster, a cheese grater, and a rejected prop from a low-budget science-fiction movie and exclaimed, ‘I’ve got it!'”

⭐☆☆☆☆ — “The Chainsaw Was an Optional Accessory?”

“I bought this truck because I wanted something rugged, masculine, and capable of surviving the apocalypse. I’ve discovered it’s a total chick magnet – if the chick’s polarity was the same as my truck’s. They seem to be instantly repelled by the sight of it – and me. Go figure.”

Tesla expects to wind down Cybertruck production at its Texas facility in early 2027. Musk has not yet announced whether he plans to attend the Cybertruck’s funeral, although sources close to the situation say he is expected to arrive wearing a black suit, sunglasses, and wielding a chainsaw.

Details of the funeral arrangements have not yet been released. In lieu of flowers, Mr. Musk is requesting that mourners purchase $50,000 worth of Tesla stock.

The family asks that you please respect their privacy during this difficult time. Especially if you happen to be driving a Ford F-150.

That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.

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