Trump-Canceling Headphones. Nothing works better to help you forget about the fact that we have elected a madman to run our country for the next four years. No worries!

Has this ever happened to you? You’re channel surfing to see what’s on TV and just about everywhere you look, the screen is filled with images of Trump ranting about how terrible everything is and how only he can fix it.

Or you’re out doing errands, so you turn on your car radio. Within seconds you hear Trump’s grating voice as he explains his latest plan to invade Greenland and deport anyone who didn’t vote for him to Guatemala.

Or you’re just thumbing through TikTok and the next thing that pops up on your phone is Trump with his co-president Elon Musk explaining to Fox News how he’s going to reduce everyone’s grocery bill by implementing 25% tariffs on all foreign-produced food items. Huh?

All of this non-stop bombardment of Trump 24/7 would be enough to make even the most stoic person start considering a permanent vacation to a remote island where cable news is unheard of and there’s no such thing as social media. But fear not, because VFTB Enterprises is announcing the solution to your Trump-fatigue: Trump-Canceling Headphones!

Trump-Canceling Headphones are revolutionary new headphones designed to instantly block out any mention of Donald Trump, whether it’s on TV, the radio, or your favorite podcast. The moment his name or his voice hits the airwaves, POOF! – it will be replaced by soothing, calming music. It’s like a spa day for your ears, except it’s available anytime, anywhere. So, the next time you’re watching CNN and it takes you live to the latest infuriating MAGA rally with Trump bragging about how “Vladimir Putin told me I’m way smarter than Biden,†in an instant, your Trump-Canceling Headphones will turn your world into a serene, peaceful getaway.

How do these headphones work?

Trump-Canceling Headphones utilize cutting-edge technology, specifically designed to detect the sound frequencies of Trump-related discussions. The moment the words “Trump,†“Elon,†or “MAGA†are uttered, the headphones instantly cancel out all sound related to the Orange Menace and replace it with a symphony of serenity. Choose between classical music, smooth jazz, spa music, or many other music genres. Or upgrade to our Soothing Sounds of Nature Deluxe package and choose from among over five dozen relaxing ambient sound options, from babbling brook to crackling campfire to purring kittens.

The possibilities are endless, and the relief is instant. But don’t just take my word for it. Let’s hear from a few of our satisfied customers:

“As a young mom, I worry about my young daughter’s future. Every time Trump’s face pops up on my screen, my blood pressure spikes. That was until I tried Trump-Canceling Headphones. Now, when Trump appears on
TV, all I hear is peaceful lullabies. It’s like I’m at a spa retreat in my own living room!” — Karen from Phoenix

“I was a political junkie, constantly plugged into the news, until one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore. The constant barrage of Trump’s name was too much. I tried everything—meditation, yoga, even binge-watching nature documentaries about the migration patterns of Arctic Terns. But nothing worked. Then I tried Trump-Canceling Headphones, and it was like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders. The moment Trump’s name came up on the news, I heard nothing but Kenny G on sax. I could feel my blood pressure drop. If only I’d found these sooner!”
— Grover from Cleveland

“I couldn’t escape the man’s name. I’d go to the gym, and there it was – Trump’s latest tweet blaring from the TVs. I’d be on a run, minding my own business, and then – bam – a story about Trump nominating Kanye West for Attorney General would pop up on the treadmill screen. After trying the Trump-Canceling Headphones, it’s like a magical filter. Now, every time Trump is mentioned, it’s replaced with the tranquil sound of ocean waves. I’m in bliss. Thank you, Trump-Canceling Headphones!”
— Jane from Austin

But that’s not all! If you order your Trump-Canceling Headphones by midnight tonight, we’ll throw in a FREE pair of Trump-Canceling Sunglasses.

These stylish yet functional sunglasses will instantly replace any image of Donald Trump you see on TV, social media, or in the grocery store tabloids with a brilliant cartoonlike image of a whining Baby Trump in diapers having a temper tantrum.

That’s right, folks. The moment your eyes meet Trump’s irritating orange-makeup-coated mug, these high-tech lenses will work their magic and transform him into the iconic image of a large balloon – you know the one – with a baby Trump in diapers whining. It’s hilarious, it’s comforting, and it’s exactly what you need right now to make it through another news cycle.

“I’ve been suffering from ‘Trump-overload’ for nine years. Everywhere I go, there’s his face, his hair, him doing that weird YMCA dance! It’s like he’s a constant exhausting presence in my life. But after trying the Trump-Canceling Sunglasses, it’s like a miracle. Every time his image flashes on the screen, it’s replaced with a giant baby Trump balloon. It’s hysterical. I can’t stop laughing, and suddenly, all the stress melts away. Honestly, I don’t even care about the news anymore. I just want to see how ridiculous the next balloon baby image will be!”
— Sarah from New York 

The next time you find yourself tensing up at the sight of Trump attacking his enemies on TV, don’t get hooked. Just put on your Trump-Canceling Sunglasses. But be careful. You’ll laugh so hard, you just might pee your pants – just like whining Baby Trump.

“I was ready to throw my TV out the window until I heard about the Trump-Canceling Sunglasses. Let me tell you, these things are a game-changer. Every time Trump’s face appears, I’m treated to the sight of a giant, diaper-clad balloon version of him. I’ve never been so entertained. It’s like a carnival in my living room. I highly recommend these to anyone who’s ever wanted to scream when his ugly face shows up on their screen.”
— Tom from Chicago

So, what are you waiting for? Don’t let Trump control your life any longer. Order your Trump-Canceling Headphones and Trump-Canceling Sunglasses today! With our 100% satisfaction guarantee, you’ve got nothing to lose – except your Trump-related stress. These headphones come in a wide assortment of colors (not available in orange).

Order before midnight tonight, and we’ll include a coffee mug imprinted with the inspiring rallying cry, “ANY SANE CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN 2028†– absolutely free.

Because you deserve peace. You deserve tranquility. You deserve a world without Trump. Order now and take the first step toward banning Trump from your brain – for a few hours a day, anyway.

PS: If you enjoyed this week’s post, let me know by posting a comment, giving it a Like or sharing this post on Facebook. 

Subscribe to my View from the Bleachers YouTube Channel and request notifications to see my latest videos. And check out my latest book, THE SECRET TO SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS (is Something I Have Never Figured Out. I’m Open to Suggestions).